Your Life's Dance

Photo by our 11 year old

Today marks the day where I will have been married for as many years as I was single. I’m pumped that after all these years and 2 kids, I fit into that old dress again. I’m definitely not the same woman in that dress- no, no,  no! Emphatically and thankfully not- nor is the man who’s still standing by my side the exact same one I walked down the aisle to. We've both grown and changed.

How have we done it? Was it commitment, being straight-out pigheaded or simply that it was just easier to keep going than to choose to quit? Depending on the day, any or all of the above. Why? Because marriage is like anything else in life.

Commitment

I’m so glad more people around the world today can officially commit to each other in a variety of ways. Just this week, Taiwan declared same-sex marriage legal, for example. We got married in a church, but to me, the commitment was formed in the first few months of our relationship, years ahead of the wedding. To me, there’s a meaningful unwritten contract that any 2 people can make at any point in their journey that is affirmed by what goes on in life’s most needful moments. We’ve been married for 23 years but our commitment to each other goes back another 4. The marriage ceremony itself was simply a secondary affirmation.

If you’ve committed to something, you love it, warts and all.

Being Pigheaded

My husband and I are both stubborn. There are days one can get so angry or disappointed, there’s a huge temptation to just set a match to it and watch it burn. Then, memories of all the work you’ve both put into this life flash through your mind. The good times and stories that have been written into your family’s collective history. You refuse to let an argument or perceived slight kill all that.

Being ornery gets you through the “I quit!” moments.

Just Chill

Needs that haven’t been met, comments that feel like attacks and not taking care of yourself can lead you to the point where even the Dalai Lama would disappoint you. You think, “Is it worth it?”. You begin listing the things you’d have to do in order to break the pattern and you pause. Problem-solving strategies to get you both to a better place replace petty grumbles.

Sometimes, you just have to stop. That gift of time can restore both you and your commitments.

I don’t have any magical tricks for any of it: love, career, family or friends. Life is tough, whatever path you take. It takes commitment. It takes some stubbornness. Sometimes it takes stopping instead of reacting, so adjustments can be made.

All I really know is, it’s worth doing with your whole self. It’s your life’s dance!

Growth & Renaissance

The KPop band BTS won the Top Social Media Artist Award (another great article, Tamar Herman!) at the BBMAs on Sunday, May 21. This group of 7 young musical artists from South Korea hit another milestone in their careers, introducing themselves to a new audience as they accepted the award after flying back to the United States from the world tour they are currently on.

It got me thinking about growth and milestones in general.

This week I also hit a couple of milestones. I had a birthday, turning 46. I’m also coming close to the 1 month anniversary of the release of my first book, Dear Teachers (and in the UK here), and I’m both excited and amazed to announce that there are already well over 60 copies of my stories already out in the world, being held in others’ hands and minds. I’m humbled by the feedback I’ve received both directly and in the reviews. I am feeling very hopeful.

Big changes in life aren’t just for people in their 20s. We all are capable of, and should reach for, new things. We can all reach new heights.

I have a chronic medical condition, having been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes almost 23 years ago. Despite that, I’m approaching the year anniversary of my foray into the world of running. I’m in much better shape than I ever have been. The bookworm has metamorphosed into someone who works out daily. I am also working on a new guided journal, this one geared for Diabetic Warriors, using my experience with T1D as a guide.

Struggle gives us wings.

Getting back to BTS, some of their best work has been inspired by hardship. Songs like Not Today, Blood Sweat & Tears, Am I Wrong and Spring Day cover harsh topics like feeling intense criticism from the outside world, undergoing years of ridicule and effort to achieve something, suffering attacks on self-worth and experiencing tragedies that steal our youth and hope. Their response is to repeat to the world that they, and we, will not be bowed. The key is to stand with someone.

I have struggles. You have struggles. Everyone has struggles. If we stick together, we will rise.

Everything we experience can give us something to grow by. We walk through fires of pain, fear, anger and loneliness. If we can stay connected to others in whatever ways work for us and hear their encouragement, we can get through the trials.

Speak your truth. Give someone that smile. Be open to receiving the same. Who knows where you’ll end up and what tale you will be able to tell at the end of your story.

Dear Teachers Intro Video

On a beautiful May morning, I took a few minutes to introduce myself (and some happy insects) to the world.

Sum of Our Struggles

I shot this photo this morning at the park I took my boys to for a walk. The older one had been struggling with his math work and I decided a (forced) bit of fresh air was just what we all needed.

My VerboStratis logo features a dandelion and this one caught my eye. We had a miserably cold and wet the day yesterday and this flower was weighed down with the damp. And yet, it was standing upright, waiting for the winds of chance to allow its seeds to fly free.

This is a weed. I consider myself a weed, and perhaps we all are. We live as best we can and try to spread our influence, molded by our experiences, to the wider world.

My son is a weed and he’s in the thick of the very beginnings of his growth. He needs guidance on perseverance, smart use of resources, relaxing techniques to fight anxiety and learning when it’s best to beat a calculated retreat in order to regroup and revise plans before going out once more to try.

I’m sure he doesn’t feel it, but he has a unique and fascinating beauty. Look at this seed head closely and you can see enchanting patterns of architecture and textures. He’s the same way- one has to look closely to get his glow. He struggles with school but he has a wit and charm that are both edgy and engaging. He sees things and understands things I did not at his age (and probably never will)  and that’s a needed reminder to me: we are all different, but we all want to, and can, shine.

We’re weeds. We struggle day-by-day. We all want to grow and let what we are- what we’ve become- float on the winds to the world. Let's help each other along the way.

Good news! There is still time to order my book, Dear Teachers, though both Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk, in time for school year-end gifts, but TIME IS RUNNING OUT!

Dear Teachers offers a year’s worth of supportive essays, great nature photography and room for teachers to pen their own ideas. In addition, I will be hosting a closed Facebook page for readers for 2017-18 to offer additional weekly encouragements and opportunities to share.

The Bell

The weather has warmed up enough that I sit at my kitchen table writing with the windows open. Humid breezes brimming with the sounds of spring are brushing my bare arms; it’s a rich pattern of bird song, wind chimes, trembling tree leaves and construction traffic. Suddenly, there’s a new sound.

Wafting in from a distance comes the buzz of a school bell.

Personally and professionally, this sound has regularly ran my life, as it has with most people at some point. Today, it reminds me of bigger bells.

The old Metallica song is going through my head: “Time marches on. For whom the bell tolls…” (Sorry, Mr. Hemingway, for once I’m not going to cite only great literature.)

While I think the chiming melodies they use in Japan are far more soothing than the jarring ones we typically use here in The States, school bells can be great reminders for us. Set goals. Follow a schedule. Go for it every single day.

Time goes by regardless.

The zing of springtime reminds us also to ENJOY it. Don’t just work for work’s sake. Don’t just trudge through something with no interest or excitement. Like the kids on the playground before the start of a school day- let’s laugh and move with enthusiasm. Tensions and worries abound. Some live with violence and fear at their very doorsteps. If it’s nothing more than telling your feet you’re glad they are carrying you today, then so be it.

The end of the current school year is within sight here. The bell will be silenced for a while. Time will tick on, however. Let’s embrace its movement and keep moving forward.

I thank my readers for your time. Speaking of time, there is still some to order & receive a copy of my book, Dear Teachers, before this school year ends!

Parents: Dear Teachers would make a thoughtful gift to end the school year, as it’s filled with messages of support. I will also have a Facebook page through the 2017-18 school year to offer weekly followup all year.

Principals & Administration: Please consider Dear Teachers as a gift to a special teacher or to your entire team. Writing and photography from artists working with teachers for teachers.

Teachers: You always take care of others, treat yourself to a year of positive vibes and room to write your own thoughts for well, all for well below $20. You deserve it- you are Dear!