Avoiding Guilt & Effort One Game At a Time

I’ve been off the last few weeks. I wrote about my struggle in my essay A Walk. A Talk. Things just haven’t been clicking the way they had been, no matter what I’ve tried. Blood sugars have been bouncing all over the place, I’ve gained back a few pounds, lost some energy and been depressed over the fact that cobwebs seem to be the only thing multiplying inside my wallet. Can you relate?

This week, I caught some information about Dr. Richard Thaler, this year’s Nobel Prize in Economics winner, that drew my attention. I hope I’m interpreting his thoughts correctly.

As stated in a CNBC announcement of Dr. Thaler’s prize:

“In his award citation, the Academy said his research had harnessed psychologically realistic assumptions in analyses of economic decision-making, exploring the consequences of limited rationality, social preferences, and lack of self-control.”

It sounded like his work might offer some explanation or advice to me personally, for I felt I was being less than rational and lacking self-control. I dug deeper and rediscovered Shankar Vedantam’s 2016 The Hidden Brain Podcast with Dr. Thaler. It’s a very entertaining listen that I encourage you to try out if you haven’t before. Mr. Vedantam describes Dr. Thaler as “...an economist who studies why people predictably don't act the way traditional economists say they will.” This podcast goes over some of Dr. Thaler’s key research points in real life scenarios and it’s almost scary how well I related to them.

We operate in 2 emotional states: hot and cold.

When I wake up in the morning, I’m totally pumped to eat well, exercise and do all kinds of work.  I’m emphatic about how I will avoid certain pitfalls because I’m in the cold state of fairly decent logic. By the end of the day, however, I may find myself with 2 loads of laundry only partially done and an empty box of granola bars beside my computer with my to-list barely touched. The hot state took over as I fell into the fun of creative writing.

Self-control is work.

Those 2 brain states have 2 different levels of difficulty. The colder one is harder to maintain- it’s a rational rule-follower. The hotter one likes to just run by itself- it’s effortless and fast. Finding myself at the end of the day with little to offer my family as proof that I provide something to the household, or seeing that blood sugar level in a bad zone, I feel guilt at not maintaining that cold state.

We like to avoid guilt.

So, I go back to the drawing board and try to develop games for myself that will motivate me to do what I don’t want to do. I divide the day up into sections. I set alarms. I offer myself rewards to meeting certain requirements. That all relates to a subject Dr. Thaler wrote an entire book about with Cass R. Sunstein in 2008. It’s the Nudge. We can nudge ourselves to better places, especially when we believe there’s an expectation (default option) and a motion that’s already heading that way (inertia). I was bemused to see that I even used that exact word “nudge” in my own essay that I referenced at the start of this one.

No wonder Dr. Thaler won the Nobel Prize for Economics this year. Dang it.

My nudge to you.

Time for me to get back to some things I should do. I’ve decided it’s what I should do. I might not really want to do it, but it will help me, my family and my circles of influence in the long run. How about you?

We’ve got this. Together. Guilt-free.

I wrote about how things are never done- and that's better than OK- in my book, Dear Teachers. We're always working, failing and trying again. If you haven't gotten a copy for yourself or a teacher you know, please consider it today!

100th Blog! The Power of I Don't Know

My younger son’s literacy teacher, Becky Anderson, shared this image with us when he was in the 4th grade. It popped up on my Facebook memories and struck me again for its applicability towards both young and old (and everything in between). Thanks to Heather Wolpert-Gawron and Rebeca Zuniga for their original inspiration from 2014! Many have responded to this graphic, including Terry Heick in a post on TeachThought. Today, I’m focusing on the truth that not knowing is a constant presence for us ALL and we should embrace it.

I didn’t know what to write about today. That’s OK.

I feel some pressure because it’s my 100th essay on Verbostratis! My first foray into this world was back in July 2016. Back then, I knew I wanted to push myself to begin and maintain a regular writing practice. I hoped I could do it, getting better as the days & weeks went by. That’s all I had.

I didn’t know what would happen. I was excited by that.

My first essay, titled Hugs, was only 227 words long and appears to have only been viewed 7 times to date. LOL!  I didn’t even write it in Google Docs to save an original. No formatting. No pictures. Nothing but my mind and keyboard. They were heady days of fear and amped up energy of hopeful aspiration.

I worried I would run out of things to say or that my ideas would be flat. I had to reach out to others.

I setup my blog. I dove into Twitter. I sent letters and emails. I met with people face-to-face. When I’m out in public, I talk to people. I ask questions. I wrote of Serendipity- we can stumble on something at any moment. There is a world of ideas out there if we just open ourselves to it. An almost limitless world that I wanted to add more to.

A blog didn’t seem enough. I looked at my goals and changed my plans by considering a book.

I’d always had vague visions of becoming an author. A number of unfinished works of fiction that still sit in binders and computer files attest to that. I’d never considered writing personal narratives or persuasive pieces. However, the powerful messages that aggressively condensed, stand-alone essays can convey became too much to ignore.

Again, reaching out to others helped me. I began learning how to self-publish, using CreateSpace. I wrote and Marlene Oswald’s photos proved just the thing to augment my words and paint a more detailed picture of the support I wanted to offer to teachers. The editing help that others provided was invaluable to the overall product that Dear Teachers became.

What next? I don’t know. Yet.

In my essay about not knowing....yet, entitled Yearn, Embrace & Try, I took Barbara Gruener’s acronym and stretched its message a bit. We want students to be comfortable with growing. We don’t know- YET. “Yet” requires us to yearn for something, embrace the challenge it takes to get there and be willing to try for the goal anyway.

What’s good for kids should be good for us adults, too, if it’s real. If it’s right. If it’s what we really should be teaching them in the first place. I think it is. I think we can all benefit from “I Don’t Know” and “Yet”.

If we can't benefit from not knowing, why bother with anything?

I’d love to know your thoughts. What would you like to see me write about? What are you looking to accomplish? What haven’t you achieved yet? Comment and forward my blog to your friends to continue this conversation. Thank you for reading and I wish you all the best!

Owning Our Turbulence

Life can feel like a jumble of seemingly non-matching parts.

Whether for fun, validation or in a desperate hope for someone or something outside of ourselves to help us makes sense of it all, people take quizzes which will tell you something insightful about yourself. That’s what the authors claim, anyway.

According to 16Personalities, I’m a mediator- an INFP-T personality. “First and foremost is seemingly every Mediators’ dream growing up – to become an author.” Well, would you look at that.

The one piece of information that threw me was the T. It stands for Turbulent. The other option is Assertive. As 16Personalities describes, the term “turbulent” can have some negative connotations. I mean, who wants turbulence in their lives, right? It sounds unsettling, chaotic and potentially dangerous. It sounds like a label that others would shy away from, like Hester Prynne’s scarlet A.

The 16Personalities article points out some important benefits to being turbulent:

Mental flexibility

An assertive personality sees situations in clear terms and push forward aggressively, but if the window they are looking through is flawed, they may have a hard time replacing the glass. A turbulent personality will see other options and will be open to ideas from others.

Always growing

Assertive personalities can be extremely bright but they can stay within their comfort zone. Turbulent personalities are always seeking to expand their understanding of self, others and the world. Thinking “Things may be nice now, but they could be better if…” leads to research, testing and innovation that can benefit many.

Determined to succeed

Assertive personalities can be so confident in themselves, they become complacent. Turbulent personalities seek gains constantly. Because their minds are always absorbing and they can piece together significant information, turbulent personalities are driven to improve life for themselves and others. Their hopes drive them to make dreams become reality.

Downsides?

There are some downsides to having a turbulent personality. Turbulent personalities run all-out and also having a natural tendency to never be satisfied with their work. This can leave them susceptible to burn-out. They also can become extremely frustrated with their worlds if they cannot affect positive change. Without a steadying hand, this can lead to feelings of hopelessness and even depression.

I read all this and could relate to most of it. I can own it in peace. In addition, reading about the specifics of aggressive personalities, I became more aware of how the world could look to others. I was reminded of the power of vagaries in perception. I’ve always wished I had a more cut-and-dry outlook on life. I wrote about it in my essay The Captains of Our Ships. Now I can see that it’s not in my makeup to be that way- and that what I do have is good. Mine is but one way and cannot be looked at shamefully.

Of course, since I’m Turbulent, I’m driven to point out something that I (that we) can work on moving forward.

Assertive personalities need to absorb a bit of Turbulence. Try relaxing the reins a bit and explore. Turbulents- you need to pick up some Assertiveness. Work hard, but know neither it or you is ever going to be perfect.

For both: live your truth but learn from others.

And there it is again. We become bigger people, stronger people and better people by working together.

A reminder: My book, Dear Teachers, is a great gift for yourself or a teacher you cherish. Encouraging essays, beautiful photos and space to write your own reflections- all for $15.99 on Amazon.com and £12.34 on Amazon.co.uk!

What Drives You Forward?

I’m going to ask you to sit for a few moments and consider:

What drives you?

Everyone fills their days with something. Do you have 2 separate lists? One of what you do and another of what you’d LIKE to do? What gets you up in the morning? What motivates you to keep going? What gives you pleasure and gives you a sense of fulfillment? No need to worry over your responses- no judging.

I’m going to use lines from BTS’s velvety seductive track, “Pied Piper”, off their new album Love Yourself: Her (remember that no judging rule, OK?). This piece is NOT a critique of this amazing song (if you want that, check out Tamar Anderson’s Billboard article here.) I am simply using it to discuss a topic we can can all relate to:

Obsessions.

Follow the sound of the pipe, follow this song

It may be a little dangerous but I’m very sweet

Many times we start with passions. There are things we find exciting- from traditional to novel to even contrary to what’s considered normal in our circles. Many times we stumble onto something that just seems to fit who we are. And we dive headlong into it.

But stop...Not just one hour, but a year or two flash by...

I’m takin’ over you

Passion dances along a fence with obsession. While I cannot speak as an expert or for everyone, in my mind, a big difference is that we can set a passion aside to enjoy other things. With obsession, we lose that ability.

Tweens and teens have been described as obsessed. Alas, this inability to release a topic is all too common in the adult world as well. Obsessions can be relatively harmless. They can also become extremely dangerous. For us, or others.

I play the flute endlessly  

I'm your guilty pleasure

Passions and obsessions give us pleasure, or at least offer some form of comfort in their familiarity. We joke about our guilty pleasures: chocolate, anyone? Today, we can literally get almost anything at any time. This can open a way to dependence upon whatever it was that started simply as a passion.

I wrote a piece about this in the spring titled Dream and Bloom. We each have only a certain number of dawns to experience before our final sunset. Our days and our pleasures should improve us and those around us. They should enlighten us. Not destroy us. Not shrink us.

I’m testing you  

Like the fruit from the tree of good and evil

At the beginning of this piece, I told you not to judge what you were thinking about. Now it’s time to do just that. Now, we can look at our lists, think back over what we were considering and ask ourselves:

Are we following a pied piper?

Are we blindly following a dangerous tune and path?

Or:

Are we writing and conducting our own music?

Are we stepping toward a future where we can all sing and dance together?

Own/ing Art

(Note from Susan: Happy 1st day of October! As the year winds down, if you feel the need to document your own thoughts as you make your way through the school year, or know of a teacher who might appreciate beautiful photos, short but encouraging essays, and room to write, please consider my book, Dear Teachers, available on Amazon, Amazon.co.uk or signed copies by emailing me at dearteachers2017@gmail.com. Thank you!)


I had a great conversation this week with an art teacher. No, that’s not the right terminology to describe her. She’s an art advocate. An art appreciator. An art ambassador. I’m still not there yet.

Art. Creation. Exploration. Expression. Emotions.

We talked of all these things but then the keystone fell into place: ownership.

As a child, I was regularly told that I was a good artist. I was frequently singled out in classes as we studied topics and attempted to emulate what was covered. I enjoyed it but I never thought of myself as an artist. Over the last few years I finally figured out how to put it in concrete terms. As Edgar Degas said, artists make others see. (I’d add “feel, think and wonder”.)

I copied. I never owned. I was not a true artist.

Teachers can teach techniques. Teachers can possess encyclopedic knowledge from which they can suggest points to explore. Perhaps the most impactful thing a teacher can do is encourage the student to make whatever they are doing their absolute and very own. This was the fire and draw I saw in this teacher’s eye.

When one can jump mind, body and soul into a creation, the artist learns of themselves and the audience does as well. Whether it’s a song, a sculpture, a building or a broach, art exposes, connects and breeds both questions and understanding.

It’s taken me to middle age to be able to say I’m an artist. My media are words and images and my inspiration comes from our lives. I’m taking all that I’ve studied and experienced, all that I’ve pondered and witnessed, and am now creating something that captures who I am and what I hope and feel. I look at it all as a tapestry of my life’s story. I can see how I evolve and build on others’ work. I can turn to tomorrow and a blank screen, knowing that I and my work will be different even if I cannot know in what exact ways. I do this with anticipation.

The more we own our lives, the richer we become.

As we go about our days, if we, like this teacher encourages, go at our work with ownership, our results will be greater. How? Perhaps they won’t be “better” than someone else’s. Perhaps they won’t even be what we had envisioned or hoped for. However, those results will be us as we are now and the life symphony experienced by those around us will be more sonorous for that truth and genuinity.

That’s real beauty. That’s real art.